When fraud occurs in the family

A woman called me the other night suggesting that I take on family fraud in one of these aging articles.

In this case, it was about an aging family member against whom this fraud had been perpetrated. It is more common than most of us realize. Hard to believe, isn't it?

One of our own family members, someone we are close to, had every reason to trust and who would be the last one that we would ever suspect is doing us harm. Worse yet, doing that harm is perpetrated in a planned manner, not a split second emotional act.

This has to be one of human nature's cruelest acts.

I tried to put myself in the position of one so betrayed. I have two sons and a daughter, four grandchildren and two great-granddaughters. Hard as I tried to imagine such betrayal, I just could not. I'll bet most of you couldn't either if you have family members too.

But, what would you do if you have children and had been so offended?

One thing that family members often do is forgo reporting such a crime to the proper authorities. There is shame associated should it become public knowledge? Maybe, the neighbors and friends would think less of us for having such a member in the family.

Then the question arises from an outside view, is that the wise thing to do? Would it be better to have that treacherous family behavior made public knowledge and the guilty individual face the legal penalty and having it become general knowledge? Shouldn't society be alerted, lest someone with this lack of morality and ethics be free to harm and hurt others? And there is the matter of honesty. This family member who committed the crime was certainly being dishonest. Wouldn't we be dishonest too if we keep that knowledge hidden?

Or would it be better to suffer in silence and the inner revulsion of such action by a blood relative? If that is kept secretive, are other family members apt to be damaged down the road? If this individual would do such a thing to you, what would prevent this individual from so doing to other family members? And how about this crime, being covered up, being followed by a more serious one? Shouldn't the crime be made public knowledge to protect others who might later be victims?

Not an easy matter to handle is it. Reminds me of the old saying, "If, ifs, ands and buts were candy and nuts we'd all have a Merry Christmas. Some of the outside research comments: Many "unspoken" and "reported" crimes occur within family and households.

Research on family crime has been considered differently from crime on the street. We can certainly see why, can't we?

Both adult and children victims of violence are more likely to assault people who aren't related.

Women are more likely to be at risk in the home than outside.

Marijuana, too often, gets more prison time than family crime.

Some research tips for older people:

Get a personal alarm, when weak, infirmed and alone, for emergencies. I had a cousin who fell and was pinned for hours between a wash tub and the wall.

Don't keep large amounts of cash at home; use bank accounts instead.

Don't keep pension book and other financial information easily available.

Fit door chains and spy holes. Agencies are available to help such as Age Concern.

Beware of telephone and bogus calls.

As you know, I treasure, keep and use old sayings. Family crime brought this one back to me: "It is really, really a very dirty bird that fouls its own nest.

I don't know if any humor really exists to conclude this issue. This one, maybe?

Little fellow asked his mother where babies come from. Mother told him that God made Adam and Eve; they had children and that has been going on ever since. Boy was satisfied until he asked his father the same question and the father told him about Darwin's theory and that man had descended from the ape. Boy was then confused and went back to his mother with the two stories and his confusion. Mother said, "I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."