Self test: Who are you most similar to?

The following is another "Have Fun or Get Out of the Way" column by Don Leighton and Mike Granlund and their alter egos, Lance Boyle and Billy Pirkola, which runs occasionally in The Daily Telegram.

It's been four months now since Billy Pirkola (Granlund) and Lance Boyle (Leighton) crashed on the scene, spewing valueless erudition into the sports pages. To get to know them better, we have devised a test for you. This will determine who you are most comparable to.

If the results of this test determine that you are more similar to Lance, you are certainly doomed. Doomed, however, is a future tense, so that is still better than being similar to Billy.

We'll call it the BLT test. (Billy Lance test)

Billy Lance Reader

Bratwurst Hot Dog _____________

Brewers Cardinals _____________

Charles Barkley Michael Jordan _____________

Zone Defense Man-to-Man _____________

Hockey Not Hockey _____________

2008 Old School _____________

Finn Fest 4th of July Parade _____________

Comics Stock market _____________

Computer #2 pencil _____________

Listening Talking _____________

Piano Organ _____________

Nike Adidas _____________

Maple bats Ash Bats _____________

Sauna Hot tub _____________

Walter Matthhau John Wayne _____________

Opie Beaver _____________

Zsa Zsa Marilyn _____________

Sisu Sushi _____________

Flagg River Brule River _____________

Boathouse LeBistro _____________

Culver's DQ _____________

Edge Durango _____________

Eddie's Gronk's _____________

Stock Cars Rodeo _____________

Shamrock Pizza Sammy's Pizza _____________

Chartreuse Ecru _____________

Two foot gimmees Putt it in ____________

Jim's Meat's Jack Link's _____________

Doug Finn Huck Finn _____________

Herbert Hoover Teddy Roosevelt _____________

Robert Stack's voice Jack Palance's voice _____________

Gwen Stefani Larissa Flint _____________

Direct TV Cable TV _____________

George the Animal Steele

Hulk Hogan _____________

Amnicon Falls Pattison Park _____________

Puff Daddy Snoop Dogg _____________

Luxury box Front row _____________

Live Action www.ifan.tv _____________

Tom Mestelle Larry Hoff _____________

Curling Pond hockey _____________

Two year CD's Arco Coffee can _____________

Lacrosse Soccer _____________

Bob Uecker Jack Buck _____________

Driving Chipping _____________

Driving Walking _____________

Diving Wading _____________

Early riser All nighter _____________

Bayside Vipers Superior Lakers _____________

Lutefisk Death _____________

Resembles --

Jethro Bodine Cliff Klaven _____________

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Since there are 50 questions, take the amount of questions that matched Billy's and multiply by two. The answer will be the percentage that you are like Billy. Repeat this process to determine the percentage that you are like Lance. If your two scores do not equal 100, please lather, rinse and repeat.

This ends this test of the emergency system. Please resume normal activities.

Boyleing in the Pirkolater

• Brody Moreland, former Northwestern Tiger athlete, is golfing in the Wisconsin State Open golf tournament at the Eau Claire Country Club this week. On Monday, Moreland fired a 1-under par 70 and followed it up with a 79 to make the cut for the final two days. A total of 160 golfers started out with 93 of them professional golfers. Around 100 golfers did not advance past the first two rounds.

• Lance and Billy infiltrated the crew that is installing the new turf at Northwestern High School. The workers said that they also installed the turf at both Boston College and at the Metrodome and in their opinion ours is better.

• Hey. Is that former world class runner Dan Conway that is helping out with the Spartan cross country team? (NOTE: After a year away from the squad, Conway is back as the team's head coach).

• The Gordon L. Nelson Athletic Complex Committee is having an organizational meeting at 7 p.m. Sunday at Norwood Golf Course. Everyone is invited and it costs only $1 to join. The group hopes to enhance and accelerate the completion of the entire sports complex.

• How did we miss Randy Tuura when we identified some of the great local athletes of Finnish heritage? Randy was an outstanding football player "in the day" as well as a track star for the Superior Spartans. He continues to be involved with football as a youth coach. The Tuura family has contributed many fine athletes to the local sports scene over the years.

• It is late August and a Brewers-Twins World Series is still a possibility.

Opinions and/or story ideas can be e-mailed to dleigh1273@aol.com or wgranlund@centurytel.net