Monkey business: Random stuff from the 'fertile' minds of Lance and Billy

"Stuff" is a good word, but we still think that "monkey" is the funniest word in the English language. Every time we hear the word "monkey," visions of a chimp pop into our fertile minds. The chimp is wearing clothes and is always smiling. For yo...

"Stuff" is a good word, but we still think that "monkey" is the funniest word in the English language.

Every time we hear the word "monkey," visions of a chimp pop into our fertile minds. The chimp is wearing clothes and is always smiling.

For you people from our vintage, remember Cheetah and Zippy the Chimp? Who can forget Bonzo of "Bedtime for Bonzo" fame that starred Ronald Reagan? My new favorite is the little Capuchin monkey, Whiplash the Cowboy monkey. There is something about a monkey in chaps, a bandana and hat, riding a dog around the arena at a rodeo.

Back to Cheetah, who is 77 years old and lives with his trainer in an animal actor's retirement home in Palm Springs, Calif. Each year, he celebrates HIS birthday in April with cake and soda. He has to be careful since he is diabetic. The last work he did was the 1967 movie, Dr. Doolittle. Chimps rarely live past 40, so Cheetah is quite A rarity: beauty, brains and longevity.

You may ask what any of this has to do with sports. What about the "Rally Monkey" who helped the Anaheim Angels win the World Series a couple of years ago. Then there's Whiplash the rodeo monkey, and we all know that Cheetah went for the occasional swim as Tarzan's buddy.


If a monkey doesn't make you smile, check your pulse.

Here goes the stuff:

* Stay alert and keep your eyes open for the revelation of a contest regarding our wildly popular column People and Things We Miss. There will be prizes galore, well one prize and dinner for two with Lance and Billy. Not bad stuff for a few minutes of thought. It will be fun. Details will be in the near future and can only be gained by reading the Superior Telegram.

* A couple of days ago, Lance saw some geese flying north. Something is wrong with this picture.

* Minnesota Duluth's football team looks pretty good. Can they repeat as D-2 national champs? That will be a tough task, but don't bet against them. With former Spartans Chris Blake, Joe Reichert and Max Phillips, along with Northwestern's Kiel Fechtelkotter, we wish them the very best. Great kids on a great team. Go watch the Bulldogs play; you will be glad you did.

* With the fall sports season underway, keep an eye on Dan Conway's Spartan girls cross-country team. They are young, but look for their times to improve over the course of the season. (Get it? "Course." Never mind.) The girls are lucky to have Conway as a coach. Not too many kids can say they have a world champion as a coach.

* Why don't drivers use their directional when turning?

* Rumor has it that a Buffalo Wild Wings is coming to Duluth. Besides coaching his eighth-grade girls basketball team, one of the best in the state, Northwestern fifth-grade teacher and former volleyball coach, Mitch Lindstrom, will have to find time for the daily trips to the enjoy the No. 14s.


* Lance wants to work at McDonald's (21st and Tower Ave.) as the traffic control person by the drive-through. People illegally entering the drive-through lanes from 21st Street would have their tires shot out. OK, this may be a little harsh, but here has been more than one fender bender because someone couldn't wait to get their Big Mac.

* Where did September and the "dog days of summer" go? The term "dog days of summer" is derived from the Latin "caniculares dies" and describes the hottest and most sultry days of the year, which are usually between early July and early September. Was it hot and sultry in July and August? Maybe we slept through those days. We are in a nice weather pattern for the next few days, but hasn't it felt like a nice day in October, not summer?

Unfortunately, summer leaves us at 5:18 p.m. on Sept. 22. This means that fall begins at 5:18:01 on Sept. 22. Now we are depressed. If it weren't for Superior, Northwestern, UWS and St. Scholastica sporting events, what would we do? Enjoy and support all of the great kids and young men and women who give us so much pleasure while allowing us to watch them perform. Check out and WNXR FM for scheduled events.

* So, that is our stuff for today. Keep those cards, letters, e-mails and Federal Express deliveries coming. Do something nice for someone, keep smiling and when you get up each day and say the word monkey out loud. What a way to start your day, with a smile.

The "Have Fun or Get Out of the Way" column by Don Leighton and Mike Granlund runs occasionally in The Superior Telegram. Opinions and/or story ideas can be e-mailed to or

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