ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Change, self-esteem must come from within

Dear Pastor: I have recently left an abusive relationship and have started dating a guy who treats me like a queen. The only problem is that when he drinks, he turns into an entirely different person. He becomes mean and people have to walk on eg...

Dear Pastor: I have recently left an abusive relationship and have started dating a guy who treats me like a queen. The only problem is that when he drinks, he turns into an entirely different person. He becomes mean and people have to walk on eggshells around him or he can become a little violent. I love him dearly. Can I change him? What can I do to help this man that I love? -- Sincerely, Looking for Help

Dear Looking for Help: First of all, I want to challenge your name. Before we talk about your guy, I think you could name yourself, "Looking for Love." Coming out of an abusive relationship, you probably don't have the highest self-esteem and this guy is probably the first guy who has treated you with any kind of dignity and respect. The problem is that you can never change him. He must want to change on his own. If he tries to change for you or you "make" him change, he will only resent you. So, while this isn't necessarily addressing your question, I want to deal with how you view yourself.

I don't know if you are a woman of faith or not, but you need to know that your Heavenly Father loves you immensely. He loves you so much that he was willing to die for you. You see, the Bible teaches us that we are all "sinners" and destined for an eternity in Hell. But, because of God's great love for us, he died on a cross and rose from the grave to bring to us forgiveness and hope for eternal life. The only catch is that we have to accept that love into our life and allow Him to influence the decisions that we make. The result is that we will begin to live a "different" life than what we once lived.

When you accept that love into your life, you become His beloved child. It is with that in mind that we can see ourselves rightly. We are loved and precious in His sight. We don't need to accept or settle for whatever kind of love anyone else will give us. When we are finally comfortable in our own skin and our relationship with Him, the other relationship will be healthy and right for us. So don't settle. I hope this helps. If you want to talk more about this, feel free to contact me again. I'll be praying for you. -- Serving Jesus in Superior, Pastor Jason

Jason Benjestorf is the pastor of Safe Harbor Fellowship in Superior. Questions for him can be mailed to The Daily Telegram, 1226 Ogden Ave., Superior, WI, 54880 or sent via e-mail to editorial@superiortelegram.com or pastorbenje@yahoo.com .

What To Read Next