Conflict in marriage destructive when anger’s misused

I have been told that anti-freeze was initially an industrial waste, discarded by the steel industry. Workers, realizing that it never froze, began to pour it into their car radiators to protect them from freezing. Once the industry discovered the benefits of the byproduct, history and capital was made.

Conflict in marriage is like anti-freeze. It is a natural byproduct created by two different people attempting to become one. It is helpful in a marriage as an arena where differences can be resolved. It allows for opposing views to be expressed and understood. It can be a prelude to compromise and change that allows the marriage to be strengthened.

Conflict is harmful to a relationship when it is used destructively instead of constructively. Usually, this comes from two errors: the misuse of anger or the desire to win.

The Apostle Paul taught that anger should be expressed without sinning. In other words, the result of expressing anger should build up, not tear down. Anger that harms those with whom we disagree is sin.

Many confuse the word conflict with contest. Their desire is to win over their opponent to gain control. But conflict in marriage is not about winning, it is about resolving. The purpose of any marital argument is to find a solution to a problem, not make our spouse a loser.

Like antifreeze, conflict can be a great additive for a marriage. If used correctly, it can prevent our emotions from becoming too heated or too cold.

Pastor Mark Holmes is an ordained minister in the Wesleyan Church and has served the Darrow Road Wesleyan Church since 1997.

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