Truth behind royal visit revealedLance and Billy hereby list our top 10 reasons that the King and Queen of Norway really came to America.
By: Lance Boyle and Billy Pirkola, Superior Telegram
The following is another “Have Fun or Get Out of the Way” column by award-winning Don Leighton and Mike Granlund and their alter egos, Lance Boyle and Billy Pirkola, which runs occasionally in The Superior Telegram.
King Harald and Queen Sonja of Norway have just returned to Norway after a quick but regal visit to the Twin Ports; a visit in which they rededicated Enger Tower of Duluth, the same landmark that his father and mother christened in 1939 on a visit from the old country.
Pomp and Circumstance followed the royal couple everywhere they went on Monday with locals affording them the awe and respect usually only given to rock stars or college sports teams returning home from winning a national championship. A little investigation, however, concluded that there may have also been other reasons for the trip across the “big pond.”
Lance and Billy hereby list our top 10 reasons that the King and Queen of Norway really came to America.
10. They first went to Minneapolis to right the listing ship that is the Vikings. The No. 1 objective was to insert the “Norwegian Wunderkind” Christian Ponder as the quarterback. Mission accomplished.
9. The Royal couple met with legislatures to try and keep the Vikings in Minnesota. After all Minnesota is the land where Nordic explorers brought the Kensington Rune Stone to in the 14th century. Plundering and blundering in Los Angeles would just not be the same.
8. The couple was actually advance scouts for the opening of a new Norske Nook restaurant. The original is in Osseo, Wis., with new ones now in Rice Lake and Hayward. Could Superior be next?
7. The King especially was here to lobby to get Norway’s most famous football legend voted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. We agree; it is ridiculous that Superior’s Ole Haugsrud is not in the Hall of Fame. He was the founder of the Duluth Eskimos of the NFL and was a part owner of the Minnesota Vikings and was certainly most influential in the naming of that team.
6. With plenty of room in the jet coming over, and to aid the economy of Norway, the Royal couple had plenty of room to stow aboard lots of those beautiful Norwegian sweaters. Expect to see them prominently offered for sale this Christmas season.
5. A short jaunt from Duluth International Airport to the Cable Union Airport allowed the couple to spend some time at Telemark Lodge discussing next winter’s Birkebeiner ski race.
4. A visit with UMD women’s hockey coach Shannon Miller resulted in a possible Division I hockey scholarship for their yet–to-be born great granddaughter, whom they claim will be the Bulldogs great goalie of the future. Grandparents like to brag and coach Miller has a history of recruiting foreign goaltenders.
3. With the fans in Minneapolis condemning the Metrodome, the King brokered a deal that would give the Twin Ports the “Dome” part of the facility. As soon as the Vikings leave the Dome for the west coast, the bubble will be shipped north and placed over one of our local fields. We did not catch the part about exactly where it would go, as an old Bob Dylan song was played loudly at the same time, drowning out our reception.
2. While the Royal Couple speaks stunningly perfect English, some of his subjects do not. His advisors in Oslo told him about all of the demonstrations being held in Duluth and through miscommunications, presented them as not protesting against corporate greed, but against Lutefisk! The King knew he had to come here to defend his country’s contribution to fine cuisine.
1. The No. 1 reason the King and Queen of Norway came to this country was to show our leaders how rulers should act. Their actions and behavior were certainly above reproach and really should be a great example to our politicians. Their example should most certainly give us pause to consider our style of government and really ask the tough question: “What, me worry?” Uff-Da!
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